Theta Xi Left Out to Dry

On Saturday, March 16th, 2013, Theta Xi renewed their float's position in the Baton Rouge Saint Patrick's Day parade. Theta Xi is anually the only LSU Greek organization with a float in this parade. Those who qualify to ride the float are allotted a plus-one as their date. Sorority girls invited to be on the float said the experience itself was an absolute blast, and they hope to reprise their spot on the float in the years to come.

One girl, however, provided us with some additional, more concerning details. She claimed to have been in utter fear for the safety of several riders of the float. She wants to specify that the incidents she references took place during the ride home from the parade, and not whilst the parade itself took place. She detailed the following shenanigans:

- Several riders of the float initiated exchanges with drivers of main roads like Perkins Road, Highland Road. Tossing objects into the windows of vehicles of those who stopped traffic in hopes of driving away with beads.
- Allegedly, a number of boys atop the float began to hurl objects at passing cars. (It was assumed that the majority of these objects were leftover beads from the parade).
- Allegedly, a full drink was thrown at a passing car with an open window, and it is unknown what became of that scenario.
- A gentleman began to balance/dance atop a keg, drink in hand, while the float was en route at 35 mph back to LSU.
- The float began to bounce when the song "Jump" by Kriss Kross was played mid-route.

The driver of the vehicle that had pulled the float all day became overwhelmed following these many drunken displays of poor decision-making. So overwhelmed, that he pulled into the middle lane in the middle of Highland Road, got out of the vehicle, proceeded to curse out one or more gentlemen on the float, and then walked away down Highland upon being mocked and jeered by float riders. At that point in time, there was a large, 2 level, 3 row float of drunk fraternity girls and sorority girls, sitting in the middle of Highland Road with no driver. A period of 5 minutes passed as the riders panicked as to what they were to do. Who was even capable of driving? The traffic accumulated.

Eventually, the driver returned to complete the drive home, but was displeased to say the least.

The alleged events described above claimed no injuries, and there was absolutely no police involvement. The girls on the float, although worried for a brief period of time, claim to have ultimately enjoyed the ride, concluding with "boys will be boys, right?"

Be careful, boys! It would be too unfortunate were you to follow ΣΑΕ to their current status of absolutely irrelevant.